Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
