ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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