THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
