Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
