At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize