Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
