You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
