They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
