I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
