i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
