I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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