Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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