yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
