How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
