He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
