I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
