the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
