Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize