people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
