America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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