He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
