the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize