Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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