Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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