Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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