I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The air taste purple.
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