dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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