I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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