yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
