My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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