I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
