I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
