Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
