just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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