Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
