this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
