im six kinds of drunk right now
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
