you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
