3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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