at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
