my mouth tastes like poor choices
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
