You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
