Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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