I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
