last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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