Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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