mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I love you. Go after that dick
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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