were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
