She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
