I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
