i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
