This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Drunk is not a location!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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