I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize