I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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