Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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