My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
