Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
