Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
