remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
