it's too hot outside to masturbate.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
