like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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