Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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