Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
