you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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