so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
