I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
