I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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