I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
