She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't put those talents on a resume
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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