Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
