a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
