I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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