since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize