It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
