Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
