I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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