I forgot how hot balto sounded
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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