is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
