jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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