I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
