quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
