The maid of honor just puked.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
