Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
barbara walters just said penis...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
