I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
