my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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