this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
