I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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