My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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