If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
