I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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