i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
even my farts smell like vagina
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize