Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
