plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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