I'm so fucking centered right now
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
