You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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