Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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