Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize