If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
