just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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