Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize