It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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