Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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