ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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