you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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