Capitaan dildo arrescate!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
