just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
