so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize