these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
