Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Success! We fucked roommates!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
