I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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