So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
