How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize