You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
