found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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