A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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